Just the name Grieving Soul gives people the skeevies. That’s because for many of us grief is a taboo.
We shelter our children from sources of taboo. If grandma is dying she is dying in a building far away. When she dies some parents are reluctant to even bring the child to the funeral, much less show her grandma’s body. We eat meat from plastic containers. Very few children see animals being slaughtered. In fact, in many US states it’s illegal to film animal slaughter.
How to Change the Grief Taboo
People retain the grief taboo because they think we want them to. For some of our friends and family all we have to do is ask.
In the book to come I will have suggested handouts that can be given to friends and family outlining the way YOU want to grieve. My suggestion is that everyone breaking a grief taboo have a counselor, therapist or clergy familiar with the Grieving Soul method. (This will be a book that can be given out if they don’t understand the method.)
The first thing to do is to relieve your friends and loved ones from having to speak about the unspeakable. Tell them what you DO want: a touch, a hug, a tear, a good memory of that loved one…
My suggestion is to plan the next five, ten, twenty years with rituals and occasions that allow you to keep the memory of the loved one alive.
Some people are scared of grief and death as if it were contagious.
Parents shield children from bad news in the world, turning off the TV or suddenly stopping the conversation about war, abuse and disaster when the children come in.
I’m not suggesting that we scare our children and rub their noses in horrific images of death and torture. I am suggesting that the grief taboo robs children of the opportunity to learn to grieve.
Pets are a great opportunity to teach children to grieve. Their life spans are, with rare exceptions, much shorter than ours and, for some children, the death of a pet prepares them for the loss of a grandparent.