Love, true, deep, bonding love is at the core of grief. Grieving contains within it both the pain of the loss and the unbreakable bond we have with that loved one.
Grief is that living connection.
Yes, it hurts so much that we can no longer roll over and touch that person, or drive to visit them, yet their love stays with us. In fact, we learn all we have to do is look for it, that love is right here inside of us, more available now.
Trouble is that modern people have lost the ability to grieve. We are so protected from normal sources of grief that we don’t learn how to share the comfort that comes with grief. Through all of human history children until the 20th century 3-4 out of 10 children died before adulthood. Children either learned to grieve their friends or they became innured to death and human emotions.
When the child is grieving she is picked up and comforted. Comforted by people who lost loved ones themselves.
The key to the Grieving Soul is to accept the idea that love is beyond space and time. As you learn and practice a new way of grieving you have practical ways to make that belief operate in our lives as we relearn the art of grieving.
The other key is to learn a new way of feeling emotions. When we process emotions with our minds we are using the wrong tool for the job. It’s like trying to pull a snow sled with cats instead of dogs.
The Everyday Mind, the yogis call the “mindstuff” gyrates from the past to the present and takes our emotions on a painful ride. But we don’t need thirty years of meditation to master the mind. We need only find that Grieving Soul.
The Hawaiian Kahune healers say we have a part of ourselves called “the grieving soul.” It is a state inside of all of us. When we process emotions through our brains we can have a never-ending source of torment if we aren’t careful. Emotions belong in our heart area and we can learn to simply feel. We can learn to feel that connection.
In the west, most of us at best misunderstand emotions and at worst oppress them completely. We think that they can damage us. We believe there are “good” emotions and “bad” emotions. In fact, separated from our feverish brains, all emotions have a purpose.
Another area is connection. I call it Our Grieving Soul because I believe it is a collective experience That connection is in every tear. Just one tear is enough to find that comfort. Just one tear connects us to all others if we learn to feel it from within our Grieving Soul.
This book is about rediscovering the art of grieving. This book is about learning the art of truly comforting each other.